Even upon its inception, people were privy to the sexual benefits and versatility of the wand, but with innovative attachments having more deliberate intent, like the penis-specific Loop from Le Wand, this classic sex toy has effectively re-established itself as a universally revered wellness device for everyone, regardless of gender and genitalia.

But still, there’s no denying that there’s less knowledge around wand use for penises, so we’re taking care of that below.

How to stimulate the frenulum:

The frenulum is the most sensitive part of the penis. Not familiar with this nerve-dense pleasure zone? It’s that little v-shaped band of skin on the underside of the head of the penis. Its purpose is to help the foreskin smoothly contract over the glans.

If you’ve been circumcised, don’t fret, you can still explore the delicious nerve-endings of the frenulum since many still remain after circumcision.

It’s worth noting that the frenulum is very sensitive. So sensitive, in fact, that it’s often compared to the clitoris. As are the orgasms, which have been described as deeper, more intense, and fuller-body than your standard genital orgasm. It’s possible to experience an orgasm through frenulum stimulation alone, meaning people with erectile difficulty can still experience orgasm.

To stimulate the frenulum, simply place the head of your wand on the underside of the penis toward the glans. You may want to lubricate the underside of your penis to make for a slicker surface. Optting for a water-based lube since the head of the wand is silicone.

When there, turn the toy on, with the vibration at the lowest setting. Rest the wand there for a while and let the pleasure build as you familiarize yourself with the sensations.

As you feel more comfortable, increase the vibration intensity, explore different patterns, and run the wand along the entire underside of the shaft. Play around and discover what works best for you.

You will find that frenulum-based orgasms don’t require much active movement, the wand’s quick and rumbly vibrations do most of the work, which is great for lazy strokers. Easy, breezy, orgasm.

How to stimulate the testicles:

Testicles take a backseat to the shaft, both literally and figuratively. So let’s show the sack some overdue love, since they too boast many pleasurable nerve-endings.

To start, simply place the head of the wand on your scrotum, making sure you lube your sack since the scrotal skin is very thin. Because everybody responds differently to testicular stimulation (some will drool while others will recoil in horror), you’re going to want to start gently, and again, play around with intensities and patterns as you grow more comfortable.

Next, move the wand around and play with pressure. Trace the head of the wand along the raphe, the seam of skin running along the center of your scrotum, which is extra sensitive than the surrounding skin. Better yet, trace a figure eight around each testicle and across the raphe, so you get a little taste of everything in one swift motion.

Due to the size of the head, this may be easier to do with a smaller wand, like the Le Wand Petite.

How to stimulate the prostate:

Some people don’t know that wands are not created for internal use. However, some attachments are, like the Curve and Ripple, which provide fantastic internal anal and vaginal stimulation.

Both of these attachments are designed to stimulate the G-Spot (in vulva owners) and prostate (in penis owners). For reference, the latter is located roughly three inches inside the rectum, toward the belly button.

The prostate is colloquially referred to as the P-Spot, since stimulation and orgasm derived from the prostate and G-Spot are similar and deeply pleasurable. A fun fact about the prostate is orgasms can occur without ejaculation and often have shorter grace periods than genital orgasms. This means they can happen more frequently, sometimes one after another.

To stimulate the prostate, lubricate the Curve or Ripple attachment, use lots of water-based lube on both the toy and your bum, and slowly insert the toy inch by inch until it is all or most of the way in. This can take some time based on your experience level.

When it’s inserted and you’re comfortable, try locating the prostate. Stimulation of this gland is described at the beginning of an orgasm, and can feel as though it’s being milked, so seek that sensation when exploring.

When you think you’ve found it, play with your settings to find which sensations your prostate best responds to. Experiment with pressure and move the toy around a little. You can move around as well: Gyrate your hips and do some humping motions, and get down with your wand.

How to stimulate the prostate externally:

If you’re curious about the prostate but not comfortable being anally penetrated, there is another satisfying solution, because the prostate can be stimulated externally as well.

On your back with your legs raised, place the head of the wand on the middle of the perineum (or gooch) slightly toward the testicles. Since you’re stimulating externally, you will have to apply more pressure. From this position, you may also be stimulating the one-third of the penis that rests in your body for an entirely new kind of penile stimulation.

As you get more comfortable, you can run the wand along the entire length of the perineum and find the vibration intensity that’s best for you. Again, you’ll want to use lube, since the skin here is thin and can be hairy.

To help relax, use the wand to massage your thighs and butt cheeks, you can even press the head of the toy against your anus, tingling its many nerve-endings. Depending on the position you’re in, you might get a nice testicular massage as well.

How to give a vibrating blowjob:

You know what feels better than a blowjob? A vibrating blowjob. And you can make one happen with a wand by placing the head of the wand against your throat as you’re giving oral sex.

The vibrations from the wand are spread throughout your entire throat and mouth. You can also use your wand on the perineum or testicles while giving oral sex and really knock their socks off.

How to use the Loop attachment:

While the wand is more than proficient at providing penile stimulation alone, the Loop attachment is created specifically for the penis, hugging and pulling the shaft in close.

Since the Loop’s textured sleeve wraps around the entire penis, place it along the coronal ridge (the edge of the head of your penis) where it will also hit the frenulum. From there, move the toy up and down the shaft, and use plenty of lube so everything glides nice and smoothly.

How to hit all your erogenous zones:

Since the wand was introduced as a body massager, it makes perfect sense that you can use the wand on all your body parts, including your erogenous zones. Sexual pleasure doesn’t always have to include the genitals, you know, sometimes it can simply be shared intimacy between you and a partner. And let’s face it: few things are more intimate than a sensual massage.

Some of the more popular erogenous zones on the body include the neck, back, lower abdomen, inner thighs, feet, and nipples. If you want to create some mystery and anticipation, use the wand while your partner is blindfolded. To take things even further, use restraints as well.

Beware Marketplaces

While it’s tempting to buy sex toys from Amazon, Walmart, Alibaba, or even Wish because of their convenience and low prices, doing so poses more risk than a reputable sex toy store.

First, sellers on these sites are notorious for stealing product images and information and sending buyers inferior items, so there’s no telling whether you’re getting what you see. Even if the product looks like the listing, it could be a cheap knockoff that uses the same design but inferior materials or doesn’t perform well. A vibrator that breaks after a few uses is frustrating. But when it comes to something you use in or on your body, you want to know exactly what it’s made from. You could wind up with an infection or reaction from a toy claiming to be made from hypoallergenic materials or lube that has different ingredients from those on the list.

Sometimes vendors resell items, and no one wants to open a new sex toy to realize it’s been used before, especially if it’s not properly cleaned!

Unfortunately, Amazon and other marketplaces simply cannot keep up with bad actors that might purposely mislead shoppers. They can ban accounts that break the rules, but vendors only need to sign up with another name to continue selling on these sites. Instead, a dedicated toy seller that’s trusted by shoppers or the manufacturer’s site is a better option.

Understand Size

I have bitten off more–and less–than I can chew more times than I can recall off the top of my head. I’ve been the owner of dildos that were large enough that I couldn't realistically use them and small enough that they prompted the question, “Is it in yet?” Perhaps you’ve got excellent spatial skills. But if you’re like me, it’s a smart idea to get a good feel for size before checking out.

When it comes to insertables, you’ll see the circumference or diameter listed in the product description. The circumference is the length around the shaft, while the diameter is the width of the shaft (imagine a line from one side to the other, going through the center). You can convert diameter to circumference by multiplying by 3.14 (yep, that’s pi!) or convert circumference to diameter by dividing by 3.14–or use this  handy calculator. Keep in mind that many toys are not perfectly cylindrical or may be wider at some points than others.

I can reach into my dresser and pull-out toys of various sizes to compare to any I’m considering online. If you’re new to sex toys, you could compare them to your own penis or a partner’s. Otherwise, grab a ruler or measuring tape to get an idea of the size of a vibrator, dildo, or butt toy. A fabric measuring tape is useful, but you can also wrap a piece of string or strip of paper around an object, mark it, and measure it against a ruler if you don’t have a flexible measuring tape.

If you have nothing to measure with or compare to the toy you’re considering, the following general guidelines for vaginal toys can be helpful.

● Small: around 1” or less (slightly larger than the base of a taper candle or a quarter); see the First Time power Vibe

● Medium: around 1.5” (the length of AirPods and sewing pins and the width of many watch faces) like Sportsheets Galaxie dildo

● Large: 2” or more (the size of a large paperclip or the short end of a credit card), similar to the Sensa Feel 7" Fat Boy Dong

Of course, size isn’t just about girth. Length matters, too. Keep in mind that a toy’s overall and insertable lengths are often different because the handle, controls, or base aren’t inserted. You might want to choose shorter toys if you have a sensitive cervix or short arms, but you can always buy a longer toy and only insert it partway if the width is ideal.

Another consideration is the distance between the shaft and clitoral stimulator on dual stimulators. If you know your clitoris is a little further away from your vaginal opening, look for toys with longer clitoral arms or that cover more space. A long clitoral stimulator that doesn’t sit close to the body might miss if your clitoris is closer to your vaginal entrance, however.

A final note about size. Toys that are rigid, including glass, ceramic, metal, ABS plastic and wood, can feel larger than they are because there’s no give. A toy made from soft silicone or skin-like materials, on the other hand, might feel a little smaller because it’s squishier. I personally like hard toys to be a little thinner and shorter than softer ones.

Read Reviews

Real customer reviews can help you avoid an expensive mistake, especially if you can find someone who is trustworthy and has similar preferences as you. Sex toy stores, giant retailers, and manufacturer sites usually allow customer reviews, and sex toys have become such a big business that even sites like Vice offer reviews.

Don’t forget about bloggers who write in-depth reviews that are typically longer, more transparent, and more thoughtful than reviews on retailer sites. Trusted reviewers include Epiphora, Rachael Rose, and Super Smash Cache, just to name a few. You can also stop by myown blog, although I focus more on book reviews these days.

Be careful with reviews on Amazon, however. Vendors might purchase fake reviews, even though it violates the terms of service. Shady sellers will also sometimes use an existing page for a new product to make it look highly reviewed, but you can easily see when the reviews don’t match with the product that’s currently on the listing.

Social media ads can also be deceiving because some companies pay for fake reviews or delete low reviews. Similarly, influencer promotions should be taken with a grain of salt. They’re usually closer to commercials than reviews. Video reviews or unboxings can be helpful for understanding the size and shape of a toy, however. Even if the presenter isn’t the best reviewer, you can use their hands or other items on-screen for size comparisons.

These practices make it important to read actual reviews. Check out the highest and lowest ratings and ensure they’re talking about the right product. Look for pros or cons that are mentioned by multiple people who have spent a little time with the product. The best reviews are detailed and show that the customer has become familiar with the item instead of just giving you their first impression. s. They discuss the item and not just the experience. Articulate reviewers will tell you why something didn’t work for them in a way that should help you understand if it might still work for you–and vice versa.

Word to the wise: stores sometimes rename toys to make them seem exclusive, which may make it difficult to find reviews or compare prices. You may find the same toy under a different name to get more information by using a reverse image search

Unfortunately, not everyone provides in-depth reviews for sex toys and accessories, so you might have to take a chance if a product looks appealing but has no (useful) reviews. Unless you’re interested in an incredibly unique toy, you can probably find something similar with reviews.

Consider Price

Price alone isn’t usually a good indicator of how well a toy will work for you. More expensive doesn’t necessarily mean more effective or better fitting for your body, and quality toys have become more affordable over the years. Plus, there’s always the risk that a toy works fine, but you just don’t like it. However, a cheap toy might be just that: cheap.

For those who are brand-new to sex toys, an inexpensive basic vibrator such as the Skinny G or Lip Service or a dildo like the Cici is a great way to dip a toe in the water. They won’t break the bank if you don’t like them, but shoppers highly rate them.

If you find a toy that works well for you and have worn it out or want to upgrade, consider moving to a rechargeable toy, one with more features, or one made from materials that are longer lasting. You might realize you need more power or something with deeper vibrations if your first dive into sex toys was a little weak or on the buzzier side. This is where reviews are helpful, again, especially comparison reviews.

As you get comfortable with insertable sex toys, you might want to try something larger, which might mean you spend a little more. It’s totally normal if that’s not the case, however! But starting with a large or expensive toy before you know what you like might leave you regretful.

Not everyone wants to add to their toybox, either. For some people, a dungeon full of sexy gear is the goal, while others are fine with “old reliable,” and that might be their very first toy!

While I can’t guarantee that you’ll love every sex toy you buy even if you follow these tips, I’m confident that my advice will get you closer to a satisfying purchase than if you just wing it. Now, it’s up to you to goshopping!

The fact is that we aren’t taught about anal sex at all. As a result, those who are curious will turn to porn, arguably the most accessible resource for sex on the internet, as education. The problem with that is, porn is not created for education, it’s entertainment. A lot of the prep and care that’s required for anal sex is cut because it’s not all that exciting to watch. As a result, when we do try to engage in anal sex with porn as our only resource, mistakes are made.

It’s unfortunate (but not all that surprising) that nowhere in our country’s sex ed are our bums so much as mentioned as a source of sexual pleasure, despite it being exactly that. It’s quite a powerful one, too. So let’s fix that. Consider this a long overdue education on the booty-tingling pleasures of anal sex.

ANAL ANATOMY

The best way to comprehend how anal sex works is to first understand your anal anatomy and how it functions, so let’s start there.

Let’s begin with the anus, which most will casually refer to as the “butthole”, or “hole” for short. For many, this is the only area of our anal anatomy that we can see, and it contains a great number of nerve-endings that are incredibly responsive to stimulation. It’s why rimming and anal massage have become so popular.

One of the most important parts of our booties to know, at least when it comes to anal sex, are the sphincter muscles, as this is where most will experience resistance, and in some cases discomfort or pain, when engaging in receptive anal intercourse. Because this area is so susceptible to injury, it is important you exercise these muscles through dilation methods, which we get to later.

Beyond the sphincter muscles is the rectum, an eight-inch chamber connecting the colon to the anus. It is the road through which stool must travel before it is evacuated through the anus.

The rectum is the area most toys and penises will reach (though some larger toys and penises may venture deeper), and it accommodates much more than the sphincter, meaning once you’re beyond these muscles, the penis or toy has much more room to play in. This is one of the reasons why many anal toys tend to be wide in the middle and have a thinner neck. This way, wearers can experience the blessed feeling of fullness without putting much strain on the sphincter muscles.

It’s important to note that stool is not contained within the rectum, rather the sigmoid colon, which sits above it. This means any stool that a penis or toy might come in contact with will likely be minimal.

ANAL DILATING

Since our sphincter muscles are exactly that, muscles, we need to treat them the same way we treat the others when we expect optimal performance: through training. Because this is such an important, albeit tedious, process, you may want to invest in an anal training kit. By the time you’ve worked through the expertly curated Anal Training & Education Set by b-Vibe, you should be fully prepared for anal sex.

The Anal Training & Education Set contains three butt plugs of gradual sizes: a small plug, a medium vibrating plug, and a large weighted plug. So not only will you be working through bigger sizes as you train, you’ll be experiencing different sensations as well. The set also includes a reusable anal enema, if you choose to douche before engaging in anal play, as well as a lubricant launcher, b-Vibe’s handy Complete Guide to Anal Play, and a discreet travel bag.

When you begin dilating, start with the smallest toy in the set, and apply a lot of water-based lube to the toy and the anus. A tip: place a towel underneath your bum so the lube doesn’t stain anything. To make things all the more comfortable, use the lubricant launcher to coat the rectum as well. If you want to help relax the sphincter muscles prior to penetration, place the second toy in the set against your anus, and let its vibrations massage your sphincter muscles and help them relax.

Then you’re going to want to insert the toy very slowly, as little as a centimeter at a time, ensuring that you’re comfortable until it’s fully inserted. Try pushing out with your hole as you push the toy in. Once it’s in, move the plug in and out of your anus to get the sphincter muscles used to this active motion. You should aim to do this about 10 times, roughly three times a week. As you get more comfortable, feel free to increase these numbers until you’re confident that you can handle the next, larger sized toy, and repeat.

The Snug Plugs from b-Vibe are another fantastic tool when dilating, as there are seven different sizes you can work through at your own pace. The Snug Plug 1 is roughly the size of a finger, whereas the Snug Plug 6 weighs an impressive 515 grams and has a girthy diameter of 2.2 inches.

When using the Snug Plugs to dilate, carefully insert the lubricated toy into the anus until it’s at the widest part of the toy, and flex your sphincter muscles roughly 10 times. Remove and repeat with the same frequency mentioned prior with the Anal Training & Education Set, and move to the next sized Snug Plug when you’re comfortable. If you manage to work through all seven, consider yourself a pro.

If at any point upsizing becomes uncomfortable, go back to the smaller size toy. Any pain is your body’s way of communicating that you just aren’t ready yet, and in no part of this process should you ever experience pain. Some discomfort, however, can be expected from time to time.

Eventually, you’re going to see that your bum is capable of comfortably receiving larger and larger toys, and it’s truly a joyous experience. Maybe one day you’ll want to take your training to the next level and work through b-Vibe’s Anal Education Set: Masster’s Degree Edition.

BUTT WHAT ABOUT POOP?

Yes, poop happens, but it’s hardly to the degree of which you’ve likely heard. As mentioned prior, most toys and penises won’t reach the area that stool is stored, called the sigmoid colon, because that area is eight inches inside the rectum. Not to mention, it’s closed off by a valve called the rectosigmoid junction.

Everyone engaging in anal sex should understand that “mess” can happen since poop comes from the same area that we’re actively penetrating. It’s no different from encountering some urine, blood, or other fluids during vaginal sex. So first and foremost, don’t shame or make a scene should poop make an appearance.

While there is no way to guarantee a mess-free experience, there are some things you can do to minimize the chances of it occurring. One is by making sure you are consuming plenty of fiber and water. Since most of us don’t come close to our recommended daily intake of fiber, it might be a good idea to take supplements if you want to have anal sex more regularly. Fiber will ultimately make the stool bulkier and more absorbent, so when you have a bowel movement, fewer remnants will remain in the rectum, it also makes douching a much quicker process.

Some people like to douche prior to anal sex as a preventative effort to ensure the rectum is empty. To do this, fill your douche bulb with lukewarm water, insert the tip into your anus (use lube to assist), and gently squeeze the bulb. When the bulb is empty, remove the douche and expel the water into the toilet. Your goal is to repeat this process until the water runs clear, which should take no more than three to five passes.

While effective, douching is not necessary. For most people, defecating an hour prior to intercourse and a good scrub in the shower should do the trick. If you’re so bold, use a lubricated finger to feel around for any pesky lingerers.

So there you have it, the education on butt stuff that our schools and society conveniently forgot to teach us. Now, with this knowledge under your belt, we encourage you to explore the many splendors of anal play, not only because it can feel fantastic and offers new and exciting ways to experience pleasure, but also because butts are universal––we all have them! 

Only Give Sex Toys If You’re Close

Sex toys might be a good gift for a lover, best friend, or sibling, but you should look for a different present if you’re not close to your recipient. You could embarrass your recipient, damage your relationship, or even face sexual harassment charges if you ignore this advice. Also, if you’re not comfortable discussing your sex life with this person, then a sex toy isn’t a good gift idea.

Talk About It First

If any part of you is unsure whether someone would like to receive a sex toy as a gift, make sure to talk about it first. In fact, you might want to have this conversation even if you’re confident that a friend or family member would be okay to get a sex toy as a present! You’d be surprised how often we think we know something only to find out how wrong we are.

This conversation will look different depending on who your recipient is. For example, if you’re using the occasion to introduce sex toys into your sex life, find out how your partner feels about the idea first. You may even need to reassure them. On the other hand, if you’re shopping for a friend or family member, you might need to ask about preferences about toys and materials.

Be Careful with Prank Gifts

Giving a sex toy or accessory as a joke can lead to laughs, especially if it’s over the top. However, it can also be embarrassing and awkward if your recipient isn’t open to receiving a sex toy as a gift. Some gifts–think things that imply someone has a small penis, is slutty or dirty, novelty underwear that’s not actually wearable, or giant sex toys–can also be offensive. While they might be okay between frat brothers, avoid giving them to your new brother-in-law.

Furthermore, joke or prank gifts often wind up as clutter or in the trash because the recipient doesn’t have a use for them. Consider if you’re okay with that or if you’d rather spend your money on something useful or simply save it.

Pick the Right Type of Sex Toy

Because you should know your recipient well, you probably know what you want to buy. Perhaps your best friend has expressed interest in pulse air toys or your sibling has never had an orgasm, so a vibrator makes perfect sense as a present. Similarly, some people love penetration, and for them, a dildo might be in the cards.

However, if you don’t have that information, consider whether your recipient has any experience with sex toys and go from there. If they’re new to sex toys, stick to something that’s not intimidating or difficult to use. A basic vibrator such as a bullet/egg, G-spot vibrator, or smaller wand might do the trick. Similarly, Tenga eggs are relatively foolproof gift ideas for someone with a penis. You may want to avoid penetrative or prostate toys if you’re unsure how your recipient feels about those activities.

Although you might be tempted to give your recipient a luxury sex toy, you should only do so if you can afford it. Sex toys are incredibly personal and may not work depending on someone’s preferences or bodily responses. You may never know if your gift was a hit or not, and you’ll have to be okay with that ignorance while knowing how much you spent on the gift. Plus, the person you’re shopping for might feel guilty if the toy doesn’t work for them, and they know it has a premium price tag.

Keep Materials in Mind

For any gift that your recipient might use, keep materials in mind. For insertable sex toys, stick to body-safe materials such as silicone, glass, stainless steel, or ceramic. Be careful with sensation lubes or stimulating products. Similarly, check about latex allergies if you plan to give someone condoms. You don’t want your recipient to experience a genital reaction while they’re trying to be intimate!

Give Your Gift in Private

Because of the sensitive nature of sex toys and accessories, it’s best to give your gift to your recipient when no one else is around, even if they don’t seem like people who are easily embarrassed. You may want to ensure your recipient opens the gift with you around or instruct them that the present is best opened in private.

Allowing your recipient to open their gift in private also gives them a chance to more authentically respond if they’re excited but would feel self-conscious showing that around you. But, of course, if you’re giving a sex toy to a lover, this probably won’t be an issue. You may even get to use it right away!

Choose the Right Time to Present It

Just like you should carefully pick when you bring up sexual issues with your partner, you should only present your gift at the right time. If someone is self-conscious already, you may want to hold off on giving their present. Otherwise, you can just give them the present to open by themselves later.

Standard gift-giving etiquette also applies. Let your recipient know that you plan to give them a gift and avoid doing so around other people if you don’t also have gifts for them. If you don’t expect anything in return, let them know! Some people feel awkward when receiving a gift when they can’t return the gesture.

Following this advice should help you avoid uncomfortable situations–both for you and your recipient–when giving sex toys as gifts.

Missionary

This classic sex position can be good for clitoral stimulation if either you or your partner reaches down to manually pleasure your clit. That is, to rub it! Smaller vibrators such as bullets or “lay-on” vibrators that fit between your bodies also work in Missionary. Couple’s vibrators like the We-Vibe, where you insert one arm vaginally during intercourse, include an external portion for clit stim, too!

Thigh Tide

This sex position is a variation on Reverse Cowgirl. While you ride your partner in reverse, they’ll lift their leg and bend it at the knee so that their foot is flat on the bed. With their tight lifted between your legs, you can grind against it to your heart’s desire!

Coital Alignment Technique

This sex position was designed specifically to help female partners get more sexual pleasure and have more orgasms during intercourse. The coital alignment technique, or CAT, is a take on the Missionary position. While you’re on the bottom, your partner positions their body further up, creating more friction between your two bodies. CAT doesn’t work well for all body types and penis sizes, however.

Doggy

While Doggy Style is usually recommended for G-spot stimulation, that doesn’t mean you can’t get great clt stim when in this position. If your partner’s arms are long enough, they can reach out from behind to rub your clitoris. You could also try a position pillow, some of which have a hole to place your favorite vibrator while you grind against them.

Cowgirl

Not only do you get to control the angle, depth, and speed of penetration in this sex position, but you can reach down between your legs to rub yourself. Any partner would love to see this sight! Alternatively, your partner could rub your clitoris or place their hand, palm down, with two fingers on either side of the base of their penis. Then, you can grind against their knuckles.

Drill

This position might not look all that different from Missionary with your legs wrapped around your partner’s waist. However, the crucial difference is that you want to lift your butt and hips as much as possible to bring your clit closer to the area above the base of your partner’s penis, AKA the mons pubis. Wrapping your legs around your partner closer to their ribs can help you master this position.

Spooning

For some people, the clitoris is readily accessible in this sex position, and either you or your partner can rub your clitoris or stimulate it with a vibrator. However, you and your partner can twist your hips so that your bottom halves are flatter against the bed to make your clitoris more accessible. Consider draping your top leg over your partner’s thighs, which will spread your legs and make your clit accessible.

Table Top

Start by sitting at the edge of the bed and leaning back with your feet still on the floor (it’s okay if they don’t reach!). Your partner will stand at the edge of the bed between your legs, holding one up with each hand (or you can wrap them around their waist). Because you’re lying back, your clitoris is in prime position for stimulating with whatever toy or hand you prefer. Plus, your partner can lift your hips and butt if it feels good.

Pretzel

This sex position places your body perpendicular to your partner’s, which puts their hand in range of your clitoris. Start by lying on your side. Then, your partner will straddle your lower leg while kneeling and lifting your upper leg over their hip. Your leg can either cross over to the other side or stay on the same side, whichever is most comfortable.

Prone Bone

Reddit’s favorite sex position involves you lying face down on the bed while your partner thrusts into you from the rear. You can easily contract your pelvic floor muscles to increase your partner’s pleasure, but that’s not where the fun ends! Although Prone Bone isn’t designed for clitoral stimulation, you can get it if you place a vibrator between your body and the mattress and grind against it.

If you’re struggling with clit stim during partnered sex, consider spreading your pussy lips (labia). You can keep spread them spread with your fingers or spread them once before grinding against your partner’s body or a sex toy, which can help keep your lips spread.

With that, you’ve got plenty of inspiration. Even if you’ve tried some of these positions, you may not have tried to stimulate your clitoris. Chances are, you haven’t tried all of them, however, which means you can have fun trying something new the sex time you have sex!

The G-spot isn’t a myth.

That doesn’t mean that the G-spot is a distinct organ, however. Research has failed to identify the G-spot as a structure in the human body.

Instead, the G-spot is an area where the clitoral organ can be stimulated through the vaginal wall. Now, if you’re like most people, you probably think of the clitoris as a small bit of nerve-rich tissue near the vaginal opening. But that’s only part of the clitoris! The entire structure continues deeper into the body, surrounding the vagina!

When you’re aroused, your clitoris swells. But it isn’t just the visible clitoral head. The internal part of the clitoris swells, which results in pressure on the vagina and urethra. This is why you find it challenging to locate or pleasure your G-spot when you’re not fully aroused–and why arousal can sometimes make you feel like you need to pee.

So the G-spot is actually the clitoris, which means Freud’s theory that vaginal orgasms are somehow better or “more mature” than clitoral ones is a load of bunk! It doesn’t help anyone to shame any orgasm. Pleasure is pleasure, after all!

That doesn’t mean you should give up the quest for G-spot orgasms (or the squirting they can cause) if they sound fun to you. But if you’ve tried and tried to no avail, there’s no reason to beat yourself up. Instead, focus on the wonderful things you know that your body can do and the many ways you can experience pleasure!

Of course, that might be difficult for some people because…

The G-spot might not always be in the same spot.

If you’re on a quest to find your G-spot–or any of the pleasurable spots in the vagina–you’ve probably learned that it’s usually located a couple of inches inside the front wall of the vagina. While that’s true for most people, it’s not true for everyone.

In fact, some people report that their G-spot “moves!” It makes sense that your clitoris doesn’t always swell in exactly the same way or amount so that you might find pleasurable spots in different parts of your vagina.

Getting the Most Out of G-Spot Stimulation

Aside from ensuring you’re plenty aroused to make finding and pleasuring your G-spot easier, experimenting with position can make a difference. Try lying on your back, front, or sitting. Bend your knees and pull them toward your chest, which can shift your G-spot position.

There’s more than one G-spot stimulation technique to consider, too. The traditional advice to use “come hither fingers creates a back-and-forth sensation. But some people also like dragging toys or penises across their G-spots to create a milking sensation. You or your partner can also try walking your fingers across your G-spot.

Because your G-spot is really the clitoris, simultaneous G-spot and clitoral stimulation might feel better than either clitoral or G-spot stimulation alone. Rabbit vibrators, for example, were designed to hit both at the same time, and Cirilla’s customers have given 5-star reviews to several:

●B Yours Beginner's Bunny Vibrator

●INA 3 G-Spot and Clitoral Vibrator by LELO

●Bunny Buddy Realistic Dual Silicone Vibrator

Not everyone loves rabbits, however. Because anatomy differs from person to person, some people find that the external arm might be too short to reach their clitoris. A flexible toy might help here.

Rabbits aren’t your only option for dual stimulation, though. You could try the Lelo Enigma, Gvibe Mini Vibrator, or even the We-Vibe Unite 2.0, which you can wear during intercourse, for simultaneous internal and external stimulation. Try rocking the toy in and out of your vagina for more intense sensations. Of course, you can always use two toys (one could be a G-spot dildo) at once if that feels good to you.

Some people also like when a hand is placed on their mons pubis during intercourse or when being penetrated by a toy or fingers. That’s the area of fatty tissue above the pubic bone that grows pubic hair. By pressing on your G-spot from the inside and outside at the same time, you may be able to give your pleasure a boost!

And if you can’t find your G-spot, don’t like how stimulating it feels, or can’t orgasm or squirt from G-spot play, don’t stress. None of that is required to have a good time during sex, whether you’re solo or with a partner. Sex shouldn’t be stressful, goal-oriented, or hinged on a single type of orgasm or play. Instead, it should be fun, relaxing, and exploratory. And if learning what the G-spot really is helps, then I’ve done my job!

1. Sex Blankets

First up, is a waterproof sex blanket. Whether the wet spot on the bed is moderate or massive, it can create arguments when it comes time to roll over for some ZZZs. Tossing down a waterproof blanket before you get between the sheets just makes sense, especially when you can throw it in the wash later. The best known–and most expensive–option is made by Liberator, but waterproof pet or stadium blankets also do the trick without doing a number on your budget.

This omission from the show is especially puzzling because Melanie does talk about golden showers when she requests her contractor install a drain when remodeling the polyfam’s downstairs bathroom to become a more luxurious space. So, it doesn’t make sense that she would be banned from talking about squirting, which is one of the best uses of a sex blanket. Plus, the plush textures of some of these blankets would look beautiful in the finished rooms.

2. Massage Candles

Although Melanie outfits almost every space she designs with candles (although, they tended to be designer candles when I could make out the brand), she never directly brings up the subject. Not only do candles create ambiance with light and scent, but wax play can be both romantic and sensual or kinky.

Massage candles made from soft oils that burn at a low temperature would make a great addition to any of the sex rooms, but they would have perfectly for Meaghan and Dave’s relaxing retreat. Two other couples, Raj + Ryan and Shenika and Matthew, seemed like they could have benefited sensual massage to connect with each other and their bodies.

On the other side of things, candles intended for kinky wax play are great if you’ve got a sadistic side or want to turn your partner’s skin into your canvas. They would have fit right into Orlando and Matt’s leather playroom. Unlike massage candles, the wax on these hardens and flakes off the skin when you’re done playing. Beware that you can’t do this with just any candle; otherwise, you or your partner might need medical attention for burns. Stick to those candles designed for wax play.

3. Lube

While Melanie left one client, Lisa, with multiple types of lube, including Intimate Organics flavored lube, she doesn’t really talk about it. Lube makes all sorts of sex more pleasurable and can help avoid pain and irritation of the sensitive vaginal and anal tissues. Sensation lubes that heat, cool, and tingle can all elevate those activities, even if you’re not particularly kinky. Some even come in pairs for each of you to apply to your body, which will create entirely new sensations when your bodies come together.

Finally, a silicone-based lube is a must for shower play because the water will wash any water-based lube right away. The super-slick and long-lasting formula can also be used for massages.

4. Safer Sex

Sure, condoms and dental dams aren’t as enthralling as a spanking horse or bondage bed, but they’re an essential part of safer sex for many people. I would have loved if Mel had at least offered some creative storage solutions for these items–maybe a decorative locked box or pillow with a secret compartment. A few One flavored condoms sprinkled on a surface wouldn’t have been out of place on the show, either.

5. Position Pillows

Several couples were lucky enough to end up with sex rooms that included a tantric lounge/sex chaise, but Melanie overlooked other props that can make it easier or more fun to have sex, especially if your bodies don’t quite match up. Liberator, which makes the sex blanket I mentioned above, is known for their memory foam sex pillows, and Cirilla’s carries a few options!

●Wedge (and Wedge/Ramp combo)

●Decor Heart

●Jaz Motion

6. Prostate Stimulators

Prostate play didn’t get much attention on the show other than when Tricia and Gary told Melanie they’d experimented with pegging. It’s a shame, but perhaps because prostate play is viewed as a solo activity, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Couples who enjoy pegging can pick dildos with a curve to better hit the prostate, and hands-free prostate toys like those by Aneros can be worn during sex. B-vibe is even one of the companies that makes prostate massagers with attached penis rings that pull double duty during playtime.

7. Blindfolds

Viewers get to see Raj and Ryan wearing blindfolds in a recording booth as Melanie encourages them to speak dirty–and in the couple’s finished bedroom, but she missed the chance to talk about what makes a good blindfold. The blindfolds in the episode are contoured, which makes them more comfortable to wear while blocking out more light than the flimsy blindfolds that come as bonuses with most sex toys. In fact, I’ve tossed more of those blindfolds than I care to remember.

Instead I use a contoured leather blindfold with a larger elastic strap, which reduces pressure on my nose, much like the Edge Leather Blindfold. My blindfold doesn’t have an adjustable strap, however, but it’s a similar shape that covers more of the face to block out light. Sportsheets’ Beginner’s Bondage Kit includes a soft fabric blindfold in a similar shape that would also be better than wearing a blindfold that looks like a sanitary pad.

Perhaps if “How to Build a Sex Room” returns for a second season, Melanie will give more attention to the goodies she overlooked in the first season. Still, you’ve got this list to complement the products featured by the designer. And while not every sex room needs all these items, these products are easy to recommend for most people. 

These rules aren’t universal, however. As a streaming service, Netflix has more leeway when it comes to sensitive content such as sex, and the company readily uses this opportunity. Netflix brought us entertaining shows such as Bonding, about a young pro-dominatrix, and Sex Education, which focuses on a teenager who imitates his sex therapist mom when he provides services to his peers. In fact, viewers have access to so many options that it’s understandable if some have completely missed the newest Netflix series about sex, How to Build a Sex Room.

This sex-positive reality show stars Melanie Rose, a silver-haired “sex room designer” with a fun personality and motherly English accent. Melanie enters her clients’ homes, learns about their sexual experiences and fantasies, and enlists the help of a contractor, Mike, to turn an unused space into the sex room of the clients’ dreams. Make no mistake, Netflix knows that sex sells, and the never-ending makeover and renovation shows prove that audiences love a big reveal. How to Build a Sex Room combines two winning formulas to appeal to viewers, even if some of them click “Play” only because they find the subject controversial.

However, I think this unique show is also precisely what the world needs to shine a positive light on sexuality. The rooms Melanie designs are all unique to her clients, showcasing different aspects of sexuality and personality. There isn’t a seedy space among them, and one couple even requests that she stays away from the stereotypical sex dungeon. This doesn’t mean that the spaces aren’t sexual and even superbly kinky; Melanie simply pairs light, natural, fun, and/or chic with those perversions to create spaces that needn’t be hidden behind closed doors–and neither do conversations on the topic.

Melanie starts discussions with her clients while also encouraging couples to speak more amongst themselves and learn from experienced kinksters. Viewers further see the designer discuss her designs with contractors and even surprise one tack store owner when she enters with the intent to create a custom sex swing for Heather and Sara. I cannot imagine that the show’s producers didn’t enlist participants who were unwilling to be recorded for such a show, but people are still taken aback by Melanie’s candid approach to sexuality. Fortunately, everyone is game to be open-minded even if they’re surprised or confused, a reaction we see from contractor Mike when Melanie requests a bathroom with a drain in the floor for golden showers for a polyamorous “family.”

How to Build a Sex Room isn’t Netflix’s first foray into sexual reality content. Hot Girls Wanted is one of several documentaries about sex work. Host Saweetie busts sex myths with help from comedians and Muppet-like puppets in Sex: Unzipped. The streaming service also paired with Vox to create Sex, Explained, a series that invited sexperts such as researcher Justin Lehmiller to dive into sexual topics that they’ve studied and taught. Yet something about this show feels bigger and bolder than most of those offerings. It’s not just that Melanie validates dedicating space and money to creating a space for exploring intimacy, although she certainly does. How to Build a Sex Room shifts the focus from education and behind-the-scenes glimpses to the personal desires and needs of the lucky people who were featured in the show.

This show and its charming host prioritize pleasure. While Melanie learns about her clients, viewers can imagine themselves in their shoes and the finished rooms to try them on for size. Of course, education occurs along the way. The clients and their relationships are diverse and enthusiastically welcomed by Melanie. Furthermore, Melanie acts almost like a sex coach with Raj and Ryan when she encourages them to talk dirty. It doesn’t replace sex therapy, but dedicating even a few minutes to this topic departs from the norm–and filming it even more–in a world that doesn’t encourage frank discussion about sex or creating space to experiment or improve upon our sex lives.

I’m positive that this show is a success because Melanie has a friendly demeanor and, as an older woman, isn't intimidating to viewers or participants. Taylor doesn’t call her the “Mary Poppins” of sex for nothing. Here’s hoping that Netflix continues to create content about sex–and other companies follow suit. The more opportunities to learn and talk about sex, the better.

Starting with Strap-Ons

Strap-ons might just be one of the queerest of sex toys. And if you think they can only be used by women who love women (WLW), think again! Hollow strap-ons can add girth and width to any penis, while traditional harnesses with dildos work well for pegging. Check out the options below to get started.

●New Comer's Strap-On Kit includes a 5-inch silicone dildo that’s comfortable for vaginal and anal penetration.

●Zoro 6.5" Hollow Strap-On attaches to a sexy elastic waistband, which comes with the toy, and contours to the body. The clever design includes a hole that allows for vaginal penetration while wearing, penis stimulation while wearing it or double penetration. This toy is made for every body!

●Anal Explorer Pegging Kit is another Sportsheets option. It includes the 5-inch dildo from the New Comer’s Kit and a larger 6.5-inch dildo.

●Dual Penetration Thigh Strap On can be used by anyone for glorious thigh humping and grinding while leaving the wearer’s penis or vagina free. But adding two toys makes DP possible, too!

If you’re looking for the perfect dildo to use with your harness, you’ve got plenty of options, too. For example, the Her Royal Harness Vibrating ME2 Probe provides stimulation to the clitoris while in use, while the Lennox 8" Silicone Hollow Vibrating Dildo is perfect for those with a penis who want to offer something a little more to their partners.

BS Atelier makes a whole line of harness-compatible dildos with Pride themes, including the G-Spot Rainbow Dildo. And their Alex Galaxy 6" Silicone Dildo is too gorgeous not to mention.

Finally, you can make using a strap-on more comfortable with the OVE Dildo & Harness Silicone Cushion, which wraps around the base of a dildo to reduce pubic bruising. Similar toys also include stimulating textures for the wearer.

Another option to consider is the “strapless” strap-on. These toys insert vaginally, and you use your muscles to control them while penetrating your partner. Strapless toys are trickier to use, and not everyone likes them. Some people find they only really work with a harness. Still, if you’re interested in the concept, check out the waterproof, vibrating Rechargeable Silicone Love Rider Strapless Strap-On.

Pack with Pride

Not everyone wants to wear a toy for playtime. Packers are a great way to experiment with or affirm your gender, and the Performance 5" Packer has a 5-star review from shoppers! Choose from one of the two shades to fill out your pants and get people wondering about your package. If they’re lucky, they might just get to see it!

Games Can Be Gay, Too

Have you always wanted to play a sex game but noticed that they’re super straight? Yea, it’s a bummer. Fortunately, companies are paying attention and designing games and other goodies that can be used by anyone. For example, Kheper Games makes these sex dice, which are an unintimidating way to explore different activities with a partner. The same company makes a game called Sex!!! Not only is the game queer-friendly, but it’s not just limited to couples. Thruples and quads can also give it a go.

Show Your Support for Queer Makers

If you can, support queer toy makers this (and every) month. Vixen, New York Toy Collective, and Funkit Toys all make awesome dildos. Agreeable Agony and Aslan leather offer products that are perfect for tying up your partner, whether you prefer rope or leather. Indie toy makers like those especially benefit from your patronage, no matter which month it is.

Of course, almost any toy can be used by any person if you get creative. Try slipping a vibrating cock ring on a dildo, sandwiching a couple or clitoral vibrator between your bodies and grinding, using a finger vibrator while stimulating your partner’s G-spot, or stroking your partner with a Tenga Egg. Teasing your partner with a remote-controlled vibrator is an option for anyone. Queerness isn’t about your bodies or activities as much as it is about you being true to yourself.

Just remember to use lube with any penetrating toys. It also feels great with strokers. A quality water-based lube like System Jo is compatible with every toy and activity, while hybrid lube can feel fantastic. Remember the sexual health products that keep you happy and satisfied. Condoms? Dental dams? Fisting gloves? Check, check, and check!

Filling up your toy box or toolkit and exploring your sexuality authentically can be a powerful way to recognize Pride. And once you’ve got goodies you love, you can continue to do so all year long!

Heat Things Up in the Bedroom

Candles can fill any room with romance and ambiance. Their golden glow certainly makes things seem warmer. Candles can also heat things up literally. Massage candles made from super soft wax melt at a low enough temperature that you can rub the melted oil into your lover’s skin. Plus, all that touching is bound to make your temperature rise.

If you’re not so sure about an open flame–after all, things can get a little wild in the bedroom–warming massage oils are a great alternative. They warm on contact, and some, Like Sizzle Lips, even get a little boost when you blow on them. Pair them with a massage stone for an intense massage that will melt all the stress away. You can still create a warm atmosphere in the room by placing a sheer scarf over your lamp. Try ruby, rust, or golden hues to set the mood.

You’ll similarly find warming lubricants that do the same, and Intimate Earth makes an option. The friction of intercourse makes things more intense. A word to the wise: the warming effect starts subtle but can become overwhelming or even painful. Test a bit on your inner thigh and use less than you think you need. You can even mix it with your favorite lube to turn down the intensity.

Who says safer sex can’t be hot? Trojan’s Fire & Ice Condoms prove otherwise. The unique formula heats and tingles while protecting against pregnancy and STIs.

When it comes to sex toys, you’ve got quite a few options if it’s a heatwave you desire.

●Heated vibrators do the work for you. Check out the Triple Infinity Heated Suction Vibrator or Whisper Micro Heated Bullet for something a little more versatile.

●Glass, metal, and ceramic toys take to temperature easily. Dip one in warm water, and it will quickly warm up! The temperature capacity of other materials varies, but many of them respond to temperature at least a little.

●Pair your favorite sex toy with warming lube.

●The Red Hot Gift Set might be hot in name only, but it’s a great introduction to sex toys for you and your valentine.

Be Sizzling in Lingerie

Heating things up in the bedroom isn’t all about temperature. Sometimes it’s about anticipation, chemistry, and a partner so sexy it makes you drool. We couldn’t write a post about Valentine’s Day without suggesting some lingerie, now could we? Even if your partner practically (or actually) rips it off you, it’s worth the effort to see the look on their face.

You can be red hot no matter the color lingerie you wear. And because there are so many styles to choose from–chemises, corsets/bustiers, teddies/bodysuits, and dresses, among others–you’re sure to find something that feels as good as it looks on you. But here are a few ideas if you don’t know where to start.

It might be cheating to include a waterproof sex blanket on this list, as you’ll probably keep it below you to minimize the mess of all the oils and bodily fluids involved in sex. Still, you can use it for warmth if need be.

●Customers love the Victorian Lace Bustier and Thong in straight and plus sizes! Plus, you can choose from several colors.

●Thanks to its stretchy material, the Plus Size Girl Gone Bad Dress fits curvy bodies of all shapes.

●The Scalloped Lace Open Cup Underwire Shelf Bra is perfect when paired with panties, pasties, and a robe.

●Check out the feminine Lace-Up Back Sheer Garter Dress with its elegant lace panels.

●Choose from red, plum, or black when you buy the Charmeuse Short Kimono Robe and Chemise.

●The fit-and-flare design of the Plus Size Lace Halter Mini Dress hugs your body in all the right ways.

●Ribbon and lace make the Eyelash Lace Teddy the perfect piece to raise your lover’s heart rate.

●The Crochet Net Spaghetti Strap Bodystocking might cover most of your body, but it still gives access to your private parts.

●And if you want something with a bit more breathing room, a Stretch Lace Babydoll with High Neck will do the trick!

Don’t forget your signature scent, favorite lipstick, and a pair of heels to complete the look!

Psst, if you plan to buy your lover anything on this list, you can give it in our Hot AF Gift Bag. A compliment with a present?

Now, what are you waiting for? Valentine’s Day is right around the corner!